How wheat causes dislocations

It began innocently enough. I saw the fried catfish on the menu and, hopeful, asked the waitress how it was prepared. “Oh,” she gushed, “it’s coated in corn meal. “Just cornmeal?  I wanted to make sure. “Yep. I’ve worked here nine years, I know all about how everything is cooked.”

By midnight, I knew wasn’t as familiar with the kitchen as she thought she was. The evidence? The sores that were developing in my mouth. Sores that make their painful appearance when I’ve been eating something with wheat in it.  Damn. Damn damn. I took a benedryl, washed my mouth out with antiseptic mouthwash and went to bed.

When I woke up, I instantly wished to stay home.  Some mule driver had come into my room during the night and had their jackass kick me square in the face.  I felt horrible. The sores were hot little wounds. And my sinuses were swollen–another effect of the wheat, combined with the ragweed in the air. I ate some plain yogurt, making sure to get it all over my gums. I took another benedryl. I sat down in despair. Damn that mule. I should take something for the pain. Naproxen? Who was I kidding? I already had sores in my mouth and probably my entire gut. Maybe Darvocet would help.  

I went to work, hoping the Darvocet would kick in. Or the benedryl. Or that my face would explode and kill me. Really, any change would have been welcome.  After a couple of hours, the sinus swelling from the allergies started to go down, though the pain was still relentlessly hanging on. Another couple of dispiriting hours went by. Suddenly—Pop!  My jaw went into place and the pain began to dissipate.  

Wow, my mouth sores had been annoying me so much I hadn’t even noticed that I had dislocated my jaw. Too bad, because I could have fixed that right off.  So that’s why I felt like I had been kicked in the face. I must have been grinding my teeth in discomfort during the night. I’ll try to avoid a repeat of this experience, and take the pain killer before going to bed tonight. Because those mouth sores? Still there. I’m sticking with the grilled catfish from now on.

What I’ve been up to lately

The great thing about having a blog titled “yet another never updated blog” is that no one is the least concerned when your posting drops off for days or weeks or months. Hey, I warned you in the title, didn’t I? But I’ve had several ideas stewing for a while, just no time to develop them. But at last, the time is at hand, so to speak.

So why haven’t I had any time? Well, I’ve been moving. It has taken me a month to do it, packing boxes and taking them to the new place in my tiny little car. One Tercel load a day makes for slow going. I did get a big truck rented and two healthy male friends to load and unload the truck for me over Easter weekend. Then there was the dreaded deposit clean-up. Thanks to family and friends for what help they could give. I know I was an absolute grouch by the end of it. But it is all for the best now. I’m closer to work, and have a housemate to split living costs and do the heavy lifting. Eventually, all the boxes will be unpacked, and I’ll know where my earrings are again.

Moving was complicated, as was rather expected, by the decision of my right shoulder to go AWOL. It made driving lots of fun, too. It first fell out while driving home from work with MD. She plaintively begged, “Why are you jerking the car?” as her joints were jolted every few moments. “My shoulder is dislocated. It hurts to steer.” “Oh. I’ll fix it for you when we get to your place.” And she did. I’m ashamed that I can’t reduce my own shoulder. It’s a skill that would come in handy quite often. Especially once the darn thing slips out, because while MD could get it into place for me, we both knew it wouldn’t stay. A dislocation is followed for a couple of weeks with subluxations. Over and over again, I had to get people to reduce my shoulder. MD, the SIL, and My Dad (hmmm. He’d be MD also if I keep up with my routine abbreviation pattern. OK, he’s My Father). Alright, then. MD, SIL, and MF are the only ones I know who have a feel for where a shoulder ought to be, and aren’t afraid to put things where they ought to be. Other people…well, let’s just say other people are squeamish. Since even most doctors act like reducing a joint is a major operation, I shouldn’t be surprised.

And I’m glad it was just the one shoulder. Glad and surprised. I only had the usual swelling of my legs and subsequent pain, but not even my arches subluxed. Not even when I went to the zoo for my parents’ 50th wedding anniversary! Wise choices in footwear make a big difference. And with that affirmation, I now plan to make a foray into the orthopedic shoe store to buy more ugly but supportive shoes, what with the older shoes being not only ugly but downright decrepit.

The joint problems in the legs have waited until this week. Both feet have been playing their “how much of a sprain can we create just standing here” game. And yesterday, my right knee tried to make a break for the back of my leg. I took this as a sign that I haven’t been sleeping with enough pillows, so I bought a new one to prop me up better. I still need a new knee wedge, though. My old one is less a wedge and more a pancake. A bright pink pancake with square sides. Okay, not so much a pancake as a layer cake with icing for a six year old girl’s birthday party. But with a stingy mom who only made one layer of cake. Still, sleeping propped up properly let me sleep for nearly 12 hours, off and on, and that has done wonders for my wandering kneecap.

I’ve completely lost track of where I was going with this. But in the days to come, I will update my book review on Short Bus, and talk about euthanasia. So, if you only read this blog when you remember to occassionally check, then check it a couple more times over the next week. I may even have a new picture of Raaaahr! Monster to share.

Victim of inclement weather

At the beginning of this week, we had unusually icy weather. So unusual has been this weather event that just about everything was closed down from Sunday through Wednesday. This includes my employer.

I appreciated not having to drive on iced-over roads, but staying at home has its own particular dangers. Since my house is both uninsulated and unheated (it also has a tiny bathroom that seems once used to be the pantry, so we’re talking Old House), most of the past few days have been spent in one room, with one space heater and my electric blanket. And of course, I spent lots and lots and lots of time with my laptop, surfing to every link of any interest whatsoever. Since I live alone, there was very little to distract me from this dangerous activity.

Thus my ice-related injury is that I have generated a cycle of subluxing in my wrist. And this is on my dominant hand, so avoiding stress on it is not likely.

But that wasn’t the end of it. Friday, I was back to teaching. After my classes were over, I got in the car. I started it up. I backed out. I put my foot on the brake. And dislocated my knee.

On the bright side, it was still cold enough that ambient air temperature all on its own kept the tissues from swelling. And, the other bright side, that particular knee has dislocated so often that at this point it reduces itself as soon as I take pressure off it.

On the not bright side, it’s my right knee that will now need to be gingered for the next month or so, and my left wrist that is in a sublux cycle. So I guess I’ll be using my cane like Dr. House. I hope that doesn’t put my right shoulder out of commission.