It’s 1 AM. Every damn joint hurts. I dislocated a pinky trying to get up from my chair. Why did I think it was unnecessary to get splints for my pinkies? (Note to self: Next go-round on replacement splints, get pinkies armored.) It’s a good thing there is a backspace key, because I am having quite a time of it trying to hit the right letters with enough force to make the keyboard work but not much that I dislocate the other fingers and half the time I hit the wrong letter or hit a letter and nothing happens. I really hate that–expending force to no effect other than my own discomfort. It makes me feel like I am out of phase with this dimension, going through the motions of a human body, but unable to have any proper impact on my physical surroundings. I should go take something so I can go back to sleep, but that would mean that I’d have to get up again and I’m not sure I have the will to face that again. Oh, and my muscles are spasming.
On the bright side, I’m in a good mood. I don’t remember when the last time was that I slept through the night, but at least I’ve gotten four to six hours of sleep every night the past couple weeks. Beats the hell out of the previous two weeks, in which I was going 24 and 48 hour without sleep, and then maybe crashing for the usual four hours.
I’ve had a nice week all in all, even making gluten-free bread twice! And my kitchen is relatively clean despite it. I realize this is why I am aching so much. Standing to cook is exhausting, and my kitchen is not very me-friendly and can’t be made to be so. So I over-extended myself this way (bwah ha ha. Sorry. EDS joke). And a friend is coming over tomorrow to help me clean house.
I’m currently reading Oliver Sack’s Migraine. I’m taking an historical approach to it as an artifact of attitudes toward invisible disability. He wrote it back in the paleolithic era of 1968 and his revision was in 1992, so I have to keep in mind that he is representing the best in medical thought at the time. Otherwise, his depiction of migraine, as well as epilepsy, as partly psychogenetic would have me screaming in anger so loudly you wouldn’t need me to blog to know how I feel about that attitude.
So. Will returning to my reading help me sleep? Or will it just get me riled up? Perhaps I should just fire up Joost and look for the most boring program they have available. There is one show that I know will always put me to sleep, but, alas, I don’t know its name, and I am sure it isn’t on Joost. It’s about the Nazi fire bombing of London. While the subject is interesting, the presentation consists of a lot of flame images and sounds, with a soothing, even narration of the sort normally employed to quiet small children. If anyone knows what it is, and where I can get a DVD, I’d appreciate it. Sleep on demand will be mine at last!
